I am my own person

I don't go to school
When i'm at home, I stay in bed and I cry
I'm always connected off line on Facebook and msn
I don't work all the time
I often do useless things
I'm bad with guys I date
I don't feel like a normal person
I cry for nothing
I like hard sex
I still love my ex boyfriend
My hair is a fuck
My hairs are everywhere
I use makeup
I'm a internet addict
I avoid my "friends" when things go bad
I don't like spending money
I rarely admire people
Most of the time, i'm jealous of them
I watch films becaus I think they could magically change my own life
I hate work
I hate exams
I watch MTV's TV show
I like blond and stupid girls
I let people admire me
I dont like myself
I get crazy and so proud of me when I wah my teeth three evenings
I'll never show this blog to my friends
I'm ashame of what I am

I don't know why I do this. I hope it is going to change my way of life, because I really feel bad with me, there's no solidarity between me and me when things aren't working. I could be someone else, I could live in an other world, an other life, but I guess it's destiny that I can't make it work at school whereas I'm a smart person, Maybe I need to suffer, maybe I need to live, and stop protecting myself, maybe I need real problems to feel that I'm alive, in state of constantly avoiding the suffering. I'm here, in my bed, because I suppose that I can't go out without being really pretty. I am juste liying to people all the time, and most of them think that I'm happy, clean or anything. But the truth is that I'm not. I am weak, I am poor, I am afraid of everything, and I am certainly not proper, good, nice or anything. I feel like being a very very very big lie, and maybe this blog should help me to tell the truth to the world.